


itim ang kulay ng pag-ibig

by sawolyukil



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Exes, M/M, Most parts are written in english skdncjkd, Weddings, slice of life?
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:22:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27466369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawolyukil/pseuds/sawolyukil
Summary: a short story of could have beens and what ifs.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Kim Mingyu
Kudos: 6





	itim ang kulay ng pag-ibig

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Twitter read it first hahaha https://twitter.com/gyubooist/status/1325513451611906048?s=21 post ko na rin dito

  
  


“Ready ka na?” 

  
  


Hindi in-expect ni Seungkwan na they would gather again in one place to celebrate a very intimate occasion, a special milestone in life together with their close friends and family members. 

  
  


“Meron bang ready sa mga ganitong pagkakataon?” Tanong ni Seungkwan sa katabi niya.

  
  


Nginitian na lang siya ni Seok at tinapik ang balikat nito. “Magsisimula na ata.”

  
  


About a few moments later, when the crowd settled on their seats, a soft mellow music played in the background signaling the start of the program.

  
  


Pirming nakaupo si Seungkwan sa upuan niya trying not to mind the spotlight beaming at their direction. 

  
  


Magsisimula pa lang yung gabi pero medyo iniinitan na siya. His hands were sweating, he was getting jittery, and small droplets of sweat were forming on his forehead

  
  


Seungkwan was startled when someone patted his shoulder only to be greeted by his kuya Ji and kuya Jeonghan.

  
  


“Long time no see, Kwan, Seok.” Jeonghan and Jihoon hugged their friends whom they missed a lot. Huling kita pa ata nila sa isa’t isa was six years ago. Who would’ve thought that they would see each other again on this kind of occasion?

  
  


His kuyas kept on sending concerned glances towards Seungkwan and the latter was getting tired of it. 

  
  


“Can the both of you stop looking at me like that? I’m fine, really.” Seungkwan tried to sound genuine enough so that they won’t bother him anymore.

  
  


“Bakit kayo nakaitim? Hindi naman lamay itong event?” Tanong ni Jihoon with a very subtle implication. 

  
  


“Ang tanga kasi ni Seok. Nag-drive thru kami tapos natapunan ng tunaw na sundae yung polo on the way here kaya ending na lang ng rites sa wedding hall yung naabutan namin.” 

  
  


“Gago sabi ko kasi hawakan mo muna kasi nag-ddrive ako diba? Buti na lang may extra akong damit sa sasakyan. Reserved dapat yun para sa court hearing ko eh.” 

  
  


“Oy tama na bangayan, magsasalita na yung emcee,” suway sa kanila ni Jihoon.

  
  


Seungkwan tried to calm himself as the emcee waited a few more seconds before the mellow music fades. 

  
  


“Good evening, everyone. I hope you are all seated comfortably in your respective seats. Don’t worry po, we will be eating dinner na rin in a while. Alam kong gutom na kayo.”

  
  


The crowd laughs at the emcee’s attempt to lighten up the mood. Seungkwan was quite at ease now than he was a while ago. Buti na lang nag-start na mag-serve ng service water kaya he was able to calm his nerves.

  
  


“Tonight we are celebrating a very important milestone in the life of two young man who finally tied the knot,” 

  
  


Seungkwan wasn’t really fond of marriage and stuff the came along with it. He was actually allergic to that word. To be committed to a person for a lifetime was a very hard concept for him grasp. It was more of a tedious responsibility for him rather than a positive exchange of life-long intimate affection and unconditional love.

  
  


But that was until a man made him realize that marriage isn’t just an emotionally draining kind of prison that humans are bound to enter into once they sign the papers. 

  
  


That man taught him to see beyond what’s presented to him physically which lead him to a lot of possibilities that were stripped from him by his preconceived notions about things.

  
  


He learned how to love. He learned how to love maturely. He learned how to nourish a healthy relationship. He learned to see the good things beyond the inconveniences they encounter, whether it was the minor ones to the greater problems.

  
  


He was even convinced to enter that life-long promise of love at one point.

  
  


A few months after their college graduation, Mingyu asked his hand in marriage. After 5 years of intimate relationship, Mingyu finally took the courage to ask Seungkwan to spend the rest of his life with him.

  
  


6 years ago, on a summer vacation somewhere in Batangas, Mingyu proposed to Seungkwan in front of the fleeting sunset where he said yes.

  
  


With a hematite ring on Seungkwan’s ring finger, the crisp white sand underneath their feet and the cold night breeze embracing their bodies they envisioned their dream wedding. 

  
  


Simple lang ang gusto ni Seungkwan. Probably a beach wedding with their very close friends and immediate family members and campfire for the reception which was very opposite to Mingyu’s ideal grand wedding. 

  
  


> _ “Sa tabi mo nga lang binili ‘tong singsing na binigay mo tapos gusto mo pa ng engrandeng kasal?” Seungkwan jokes. They just both laughed as Mingyu promised to give him the real ring at their wedding. _

  
  
  
  


“Everyone please welcome the newlyweds, Mr. Wonwoo and Mingyu Kim.”

  
  


But the tides changed faster than they expected. Seungkwan was caught up with the euphoria that comes along with the idea of loving and being loved for a lifetime.

  
  


He was blinded. Unti-unting bumalik yung takot na akala niya matagal na niyang naalis sa isip niya. Their individual shortcomings also started to slowly surface. 

  
  


They weren’t ready yet.

  
  


They were young and in love. It was love alone that was presented on the table. A love that encompasses all of what they thought to be essential for a married life.

  
  


But love alone wasn’t enough. Hindi pala sapat na mahal lang nila ang isa’t isa. Dahil ang pag-ibig na nag-aalab ay madaling naupos. 

  
  


And just like that the promise of forever was in vain. 

  
  


“Please give them a warm round of applause.”

  
  


Everyone clapped their hands to welcome the newly married couple, including Seungkwan. 

  
  


6 years ago he was the man Mingyu promised a lifetime with, but now he’s married to another man.

  
  


A man who was brave to take the risk of this life-long responsibility. A man who had the heart to love him unconditionally amidst their own insecurities and shortcomings. That man was not Seungkwan. 

  
  


The dinner soon started short while after the couple’s introduction. A sumptuous buffet awaits at the side.

  
  


You may ask, did he regret being a coward 6 years ago? If the younger Seungkwan was to answer, maybe he would say yes.

  
  


After calling off the engagement and ending their relationship, saka lang nag-dawn kay Seungkwan yung panghihinayang. Napuno siya ng what ifs, siguro, at sana.

  
  


What if he stayed? Siguro he learned to overcome his fear. Siguro masaya na sila ngayon. Siguro siya yung katabi ni Mingyu ngayon. Sana kumapit na lang siya.

  
  


But regrets won’t give you any progressive results. It will only lead you to the deep wells of hopelessness.

  
  


The night deepens as it was now time for the first dance. The newly married couple strides to the center catching everyone’s attention. 

  
  


Seungkwan watches from their table. He watches how Mingyu gently rests his hands behind Wonwoo’s back and the latter places his hands on Mingyu’s shoulder. 

  
  


It was a perfect sight to see. Dancing to the slow rhythm of the music while in the arms of your other half. Mingyu looks happy, so as Wonwoo. 

  
  


Seungkwan’s heart breaks into pieces once again. Nothing else hurts more than seeing the person who promised you forever now starting anew with another person.

  
  


He wished he was the one making Mingyu smile like that. He wished that he was the person beside him when Mingyu wakes up every morning. And he wished that he was the person loving him for the rest of his life.

  
  


But all he could do right now was to breathe his wishes in the cold air.

  
  


He stood up from the table with a glass of champagne on his hand and excused himself from the group. He needed to breathe.

  
  


Seokmin looked at him with utmost concern and he understood the look Seungkwan gave him.

  
  


They both went out of the hall where the reception proper was held. A cold air swept past them as they enter the cruise deck. Other guests who got a bit bored of the program also went to the deck.

  
  


Seungkwan rested his arms on the railings and stared at reflection of the city lights on the deep dark water. 

  
  


“Okay ka lang?” Tanong ni Seok. Obviously his best friend wasn’t okay. But he couldn’t find the right words to start the conversation.

  
  


“No. Ang sakit pala hahaha,” Seungkwan laughed bitterly. 

  
  


“You know we didn’t have to attend, right?” 

  
  


“Alam ko naman ‘yon. I just wanted to see him for the last time. Gusto ko lang makita siyang masaya,” Seungkwan sips on his half-full champagne glass.

  
  


“What for Kwan? Ngayong nakita mo na siyang masaya, what did it bring you? Masaya ka rin ba? Lalo mo lang sinasaktan yung sarili mo.”

  
  


“Honestly Seok, I’m really happy for him. I really am. Pero masakit pa rin pala kahit anim na taon nang nakalipas.” 

  
  


Seungkwan looked at the black ring Mingyu gave him when he proposed to him.  _ It could’ve been us. _

  
  


“Suot mo pa rin ‘yan hanggang ngayon?” Seok asks in disbelief.

  
  


“No, just today.”

  
  


“I don’t really get you. Sumasakit na ang ulo ko. Masokista ka ba? Time check lang ha, he’s married now. What’s the point of reliving those memories?”

  
  


Seungkwan just laughed again as he drank the rest of his champagne. Natawa na lang rin siya sa sarili niya dahil kahit siya, hindi niya maintindihan ang sarili niya kung bakit niya ginagawa ‘yun.

  
  


“Can you get me another glass?” Seungkwan asks his best friend.

  
  


Kinuha ni Seok ang baso sa kamay niya, “Dito ka lang ha. I know you’re in a state of distress pero wag kang gagawa ng kahit anong katangahan.”

  
  


“Ang OA mo gago. Hindi naman ako tatalon dito. Dali na kumuha ka na.”

  
  


Seokmin glanced at him again before heading back to the hall to get them drinks.

  
  


Dinama muna ni Seungkwan ang malamig na hangin. He thanks his coat for saving him from the cold breeze. 

  
  


He wonders what’s happening inside the hall. Siguro tinuturukan na sila ng blue bills sa damit nila habang sumasayaw. 

  
  


He watched the stars above that were visible in the clear night sky. It was beautiful. Everything that happened today was beautiful. But why is he the only one hurting?

  
  


Seungkwan felt a tap on his shoulder.

  
  


“Tagal mo muntik na ako—“

  
  


Seungkwan abruptly turns around expecting Seokmin but he was greeted by a man clad in his fine tuxedo. 

  
  


“Gyu. A-anong ginagawa mo dito?” He was stuttering. He didn’t expect the groom to be out here.

  
  


“Thanks for coming today,” Mingyu hands him a glass of champagne. 

  
  


“Wala ‘yun ano ka ba. I shouldn’t miss this significant day of my friend.”

  
  


“Kwan,” Mingyu looks at him straight in the eyes. “I know we didn’t end things in the most pleasant way even though we ended it mutually.” 

  
  


Seungkwan can’t look him in the eye. His heart felt like hell. 

  
  


“I just wanted to say sorry. I’m sorry that we couldn’t be the people we pictured together back then,” Mingyu continued.

  
  


“I’m sorry I gave up on what we had.” Mingyu looks down. Seungkwan mustered up all the courage to speak.

  
  


“Hey. You don’t have to be sorry. Like what you said, it was a mutual decision. We both failed to see the bigger picture back then. We were just both young and in love.” Seungkwan paused. 

  
  


“I never regretted loving you, Gyu.” This time it was Seungkwan’s turn to look at him directly. “If I were given a chance to go back to the first day we met knowing the consequences it would lead me, I’d still choose to love you.”

  
  


“Maybe we weren’t meant to stay in each other’s life. Baka pinagtagpo tayo para matuto sa isa’t isa. To learn a lesson we would bring for the rest of our lives,” Seungkwan continued.

  
  


“I’m really happy for you, Mingyu.” 

  
  


“Ako rin. Masaya ako ngayon. And I hope you find your happiness too, Kwan. You really deserve it. Maybe I’m just not the right man who can give that joy and happiness you truly deserve.” 

  
  


Seungkwan couldn’t contain his tears anymore. He hugged Mingyu for the last time. He hugged him while pouring out the remaining feelings he had to let go. Mingyu understood him. He soothed the younger’s back in comfort while embracing him.

  
  


“Mr. Kim? It’s time for the bouquet throwing. The groom is waiting inside,” They were interrupted by the event organizer and Seungkwan collected himself as he let go from Mingyu’s embrace.

  
  


Mingyu just nodded at the event organizer. He glanced at Seungkwan for the last time.

  
  


“Tahan na, hindi bagay sa’yo umiiyak. Pumapanget ka,” Mingyu teased him before offering a handkerchief. 

  
  


“Kinasal ka na pero immature ka pa rin,” the both of them just laughed. “Una na ako sa loob, I need to go.”

  
  


“Goodbye, Seungkwan. Thank you.” Those were Mingyu’s last words before he returned to the hall.

  
  


Seungkwan was again left alone staring at the handkerchief Mingyu gave him. He took off the ring from his finger and wrapped it in the handkerchief. 

  
  


_ It’s time to let go. _

  
  


He stood near the railings of the deck and stared at the dark water below. At that moment they were in the middle of the waters a few miles away from the shore. 

  
  


Below him lies the vast deep waters. And there he will bury the remaining feelings he had in the past six years. 

  
  


_ It’s time to let go. _

  
  


Seungkwan placed his hand outside of the railing. In his hand is the handkerchief and the ring Mingyu gave him. In his hand are the broken promises he had to let go in order to move on.

  
  


_ It’s time to let go. _

  
  


He said for the last time. With eyes closed, he let go everything. He slowly opened his eyes and watched the waters swallow the remaining memories he needed to let go.

  
  


“Oh, champagne mo.” Seokmin offered a glass of champagne. “Buti naman wala kang ginawang katangahan.” He teased.

  
  


“Kanina ka pa?” Tanong ni Seungkwan.

  
  


“Simula nung yinakap mo si Mingyu hanggang sa natuluan mo ng sipon yung tux niya.”

  
  


“Napaka-OA mo talaga, ‘di naman ako uhugin.”

  
  


A comfortable silence engulfed them as they both admired the lights and view of the deck.

  
  


“It was the best decision, Kwan.” 

  
  


Seokmin just smiled at him. They clinked their glasses together and drank their champagne.

  
  


_ For better days. _

**Author's Note:**

> I, a gyuboo stan, do solemnly swear to write angst fics only until gyuboo posts a selca together. Chz we’ll see.


End file.
